Doctor Jokes

Doctor Jokes.

Doctor, Doctor

I can't stop stealing things

Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!

Doctor, Doctor

What can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains?

Pull yourself together man!

Doctor, Doctor

I think I'm a bridge?

What's come over you?

Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

Doctor, Doctor

I think I'm god?

How did that start?

In the beginning there was darkness......

Doctor, Doctor

Every bone in my body aches!

Just be glad you aren't a herring!

Doctor, Doctor

Can I have second opinion?

Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, Doctor

I think I've broken my neck?

Don't worry - keep your chin up!

Doctor Doctor

My daughter has just swallowed my pen - what shall I do?

Use a pencil!

Doctor Doctor

What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?

I find that very hard to believe!

Doctor, Doctor

I feel like a pack of cards?

I'll deal with you later!

Doctor, Doctor

You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!

Do you drink a lot?

Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, Doctor

I feel like a spoon?

Still still and don't stir!

Doctor, Doctor

Every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye!

I suggest you take the spoon out!

Doctor, Doctor

My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.

Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!

Doctor, Doctor

Please help me. I think I'm invisible

Next Please!

Doctor, Doctor

I've just swallowed my mouth organ

Well look on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano!

Doctor, Doctor

I think I'm a bell?

Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor

I think I'm a cat?

How long has this been going on?

Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!

Doctor, Doctor

I've got insomnia

Just sit on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off!

Doctor, Doctor

Is there anything wrong with my heart?

After a thorough examination I can confidently say it will last as long as you do!!

Doctor, Doctor

I've got wind! Can you give me something?

Yes - here's a kite!

Doctor Doctor

I'm not well - can you give me something to make me better?

Take 2 teaspoons of this after every meal?

But Doctor, I've only got one teaspoon?

Doctor to Dumb Blonde

Well Miss, I've discovered your problem - you are pregnant!

Oh! Is it mine?